The following brief article + videos were sent to me by a friend via email. Let me give you a fair warning before I post it’s contents here – the whole ordeal may make you sick to your stomach, so keep a bottle of Pepto Bismol and a trash bin nearby. And if it somehow manages to make you drool instead, then I seriously recommend that you take some time to reflect on your eating habits. Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, here is Mary Beth Quirk for The Consumerist:
We’ve already slobbered over Pizza Hut’s hot dog-stuffed crust over in the United Kingdom, and now yet another non-American outpost of the chain is getting something we are downright turning green with envy over. Well, jealous or slightly nauseated: Pizza Hut Middle East has smushed cheeseburgers and chicken fillets into its crust.
Eater.com blows the delectable lid off this hot story, explaining that not only is the Crown Crust a delight on the mouth, but that the toppings that go on the pizza are all part of the theme. So the cheeseburger-stuffed crust pie has special sauce and burgery toppings, while the chicken one has barbecue sauce and green peppers.
Pizza Hut Middle East has a long record of blowing our minds and its customer’s tastebuds. In 2010, it put meatballs and cream cheese balls in their Crown Crust.
It’s kind of beautiful in an artery-clogging way, don’t you think? That’s rhetorical. It IS a work of art.
Check out the video evidence of each offering below.
You may now be wondering what the point of posting this literally heart and gut-wrenching article was. Well, to explain that, I have to turn to the very humurous and equally insightful comments of another friend that were emailed to us in response:
“This is a triumph. I think the hot-dog stuffed crust pizza takes the top prize. It does make sense that these wonderful products are the brainchildren of thinner nations. Americans have gotten so fat that we have lost the wide-eyed hunger needed for getting fat. The American ambition has now turned to staying fat, which requires a very different and less imaginative skill set.
Addendum: We had our day though. The Big Mac, the Double Decker Taco, the Choco Taco, the (blase) cheese stuffed crust pizza were all products of the Red, White, and Blue back when we gave a damn about getting fat. Now we just eat 10 of them a day for maintenance.”
That’s a description of the last stages of a bloated Empire in a nutshell – it diverts ever-more resources from innovation and expansion into simply maintaining the unsustainable extravagance that it has built up over many years. This is true regardless of what specific aspect of the American Empire we are talking about – the resources forcefully stripped from peripheral “colonies” have been used to fashion an elaborate insitutional framework in the sectors of government, corporate business, education, agriculture, healthcare, etc., and now it takes everything we have (or get) to prop these mindlessly bureacratic institutions up.
Obesity in America is deeply symbolic of this underlying reality, as it is perhaps the number one factor contributing to skyrocketing costs in the “healthcare” industry. As my good friend says above, the food industry can’t even innovate and market new grossly unhealthy produts in the States anymore. They just keep churning out the same old crap and we keep eating it, because no one knows how to grow their own food, team up with local farmers/distributors and/or shop for healthier foods without breaking their increasingly strained budgets. It is all a tragicomic reflection of an All-American Empire in decline.